I'm Not Sure

I feel like I've found myself saying that a lot lately - "I'm not sure." I think I've reached a point where I'm handling as much as I can and taking on any more commitments or emotional baggage from others will severely hinder my performance as a human being.

However, there are a few things that I am sure of.

1. I'm positive that I'm 89-93% happy with my life right now. It varies from time to time but overall I'm pretty happy with where I am.
   
2. Leaving "Cape Cod" problems at home - with the exception of therapy - is heavily impacting my ability to deal with people on campus right now. If I wasn't doing that I really don't think I could handle even half of everyone's bullshit.
   
3. I need to be more assertive in my friendships because I don't like where some of them are headed right now.
4. I'm glad I'm allowing myself to experience different aspects of certain relationships. I need change.
5. I need to let change happen.
6. I need to learn to let go. Even though I'm not a "resolution" person this is my goal for this year. Learning how to let go of things that are only holding me back from experiencing and getting the most out of my life.
   

This semester is going to be hell. I know it. I'm pretty sure the rest of my family knows it, too. I know that I'll be an emotional mess when it starts to go down to the wire. I feel like acknowledging this now will help me cope with it when it really happens. I know a lot of my anxiety has to do with the fact that I have no idea where I will be six months from now and that scares the shit out of me.

I went out with Melissa and Melisser from {Colorful Creations} last night after VIP Night. We ended up at Sam's [note: Watermelon Margaritas aren't as delicious as they sound.] I found out that I'm not the only one with the weird chest pains when I start having panic attacks - as much as it sucks it's nice to know that I'm not the only loopy one in my group of friends ; ] We had an interesting talk about poo and vomit and being sick and uteruses, or maybe it's uteri? IDK. Either way it was nice to hang out with some people who aren't digging for information about my sex life and things of that nature.

I have pictures of layouts from the Winter Crop I keep meaning to post but my camera is currently at the bottom of a Rubbermaid bin and I'm not in the mood to fish it out. So with that I am going to bed on Saturday night at 11:34PM.